The Haunting Question Why?

Even though the answer may never be fully known, it is important we continue asking the question “why?” someone suicides. Asking this dreaded question, which cuts more sharply than a blade, is itself a part of the healing process. Only when we tire of the search or are satisfied with partial answers, can we truly begin to move on.

There are as many reasons why someone suicides as there are individuals who do suicide. Our view is that among all the individual differences, there are some things all these individuals have in common. We believe that virtually everyone develops what might be called microfractures within the architecture of their personality. In the absence of specific kinds or a certain magnitude of stress, a person might live their entire life and never even entertain the possibility of suicide. Yet with certain kinds or certain degrees of stress, these microfractures can slip, causing tremors that develop dangerous fault-lines within the personality that show up as symptoms and elevate the risk of suicide. With a confluence of stresses, located at a vulnerable fracture point and occurring at precisely the wrong time, an earthquake can occur resulting in the kind of implosion and collapse that finds expression in suicide.

Of course this earthquake causes immediate and intense devastation for the survivors. These aftershocks will continue to tax our well being for many months and frequently many years to come. The process of rebuilding a devastated life, of climbing out of the ashes and rubble left in the wake of tragedy is slow and painful. Maintaining health through rest and diet and exercise facilitates the rebuilding process. Overcoming silence and isolation and staying connected with those who care are imperative. Talking about what has happened and sharing feelings with people that care is part of the healing and rebuilding process. There will be good days and bad days, yet one distant day there will appear a sense that a new normal has arrived; that miraculously we have somehow let go.